...too small a thing...

Follow Up Thoughts after Dad's Death

In the days following the death of someone you love what is supposed to happen? I have never really been here before, but I have tried to counsel people who have. The counsel is don't push yourself too hard, grieve as you need too. But gradually return to normalcy as it is now. I can now testify that this is good counsel. 

We are now starting into the process of what new normal looks like. For three years I have checked on, provided for, took care of my father. Now I am down to just mom. Her care is different than that of dad and while I am still occupied with this task it is different.  There certainly is a great peace which I have written about and spoken about at dad's service. But the new normal has a shift to it. I am back to meetings, phone calls and I even worked with Chris at the OFS plant for a day. But there is a new normal now of what I think I need to do  everyday. Being a caretaker is hard work and difficult in many ways. Many of you have shared with me that you have had the task for a while in your life. Love is a great motivator and it is worth it. 

So many of you are asking me, "How is your mom?" Overall she is doing well. My brother and I moved her to a new room at the Assisted Living where she lives on Wednesday. This meant a little more space for her.  In that space we were able to giver her back her double bed and her love seat that she loved. She also got a second closet. These things meant a lot to her and it brought smiles to her face. The new room is also closer to the dining room which means she does not have as far to walk and this is also good for her. So mom is for now as least as good as we hoped for. 

We are so thankful for the many of you who have written and continued to encourage us through this time. I have been asked to conduct a funeral on Monday and I am ready to do it. So life is returning to normal. We just a have a some things that are a bit different. 

Life is all about serving Our Lord. No matter circumstances or difficulties we must press on to serve Him. The time of dealing with death is a real time of testing your faith and reinforcement of what you truly believe in the deepest part of your being. I praise the Lord for His comfort and strength. 

Dad

Dad left us Friday about 8:25 am. 

The end started for me when the phone rang about 9:15 pm on Tuesday. It had started snowing and it remained yet to be seen in my eyes as to how bad the snow storm would be. But the hospice worker on the other end of the phone let me know there was some serious things that had changed about my father's condition. But he assured me that I did not need to come to the nursing home right then. But I was concerned and on Wednesday even thought the snow and ice was crippling all of Metro Atlanta I knew I needed to go to see him. 

We found dad in bed and awake. He smiled when he saw me. He tried to speak but no words came. I talked to him about how he felt? He shook his head and pointed to his chest. He coughed some, but I could tell he was very weak. He was very, very, warm. I spoke more and the only response I got was when I said, "I love you!" He mouthed the words and they were barely audible as he said, "I love you too."

Then the devastating news from the nurse. He has pneumonia and some internal bleeding. It did not look good. Decisions had been long ago been made that at dad's age and because of his dementia to not purse testing or hospital care. The reality of those decision was questioned in my mind, but this was daddy's decision. 

Leaving the Nursing home I had to make the trip to see mom. She had the right to know now that things looked dismal. She cried. The pain for her was robbing her of hope she carried for so long. Her hope was that daddy would get better. Now her son is telling her that her wonderful husband of 66 years is likely not going to make more than a day or so. And to top it off he is also telling her she cannot go to see right him now due to the severity of the snow storm. That was one of thousands of difficult moments in this long ordeal. 

Leaving mom Kathy and I went home. Several phone calls to Ross Memorial, and once again the Hospice workers confirmed his decline. I ask the Nursing Home for a private room and they were more than helpful. I went to bed knowing I would go to his side when I awoke. It was midnight when I did. Kathy being the blessing she is was right at my side as we went into find my father in the obvious fight for his life. 

The next 32 hours I stayed almost constantly at daddy's bedside watching, listening to his labored breathing, praying for him, singing to him, reading to him. Many times these words came out of my mouth,  "It is ok daddy. We will take care of mom. You can go to be with Jesus. You do not have to fight." I said these words knowing his impending death was coming and that this was the best thing for him. 

Faith is tested in moments like these. Faith is strained and pulled. Faith is hammered in the hot flames of the emotional struggle to tell the man you admire and love so much that It is OK for him to die. And on Friday morning at 8:35 with my wife and daughter, I held his hand as he took his last breath and slid into eternity. 

Tomorrow we will celebrate his life with a service. I have preached hundreds of funeral and memorial services. Crafting words of comfort with the truth of Scriptures is something God has enabled me to do effectively in the past for many people. This time it is for my mother, my brother and me. Our family is loving and caring and full of faith. We will be strong, but there is a real loss for us all. 

I have preached services for aunts, uncles, grandparents, and dear friends. But never for my daddy. I will only do this once and I pray The Lord gives me a few words to express the best about the wonderful man that the Lord gave me as my father in this world. 

The service is tomorrow at 2:00 pm at Bernhardt Funeral Home in Ellijay. Dad will have military honors. His six grandsons will carry him to his grave. Much will be shared about this man. 

As I have written this I have cried some. I have laughed some. I have thought and prayed a lot. But as I finish writing about my dad for the moment I am smiling. Why because of what I know. Yes I know the Truth. And the Truth will set you free. Thank you Jesus for the peace that has come to me. 

Watch What You SAY... Please!

Common decency seems to have left us in the last few years. Language has gone to the gutter. We see and hear words that we all realize are unfit for usage because of the things they mean. Yet we hear them daily.  We see them written with a letter or two left out or a space or an asterisk put in place of letters to change it. But we still know the words. The President of the USA should not put himself in the position to be called a racist because of his vulgar language. But in line with all of society's trend to use vulgar, and corse language this is our main news story. Every news agency around has rewritten, repeated, and replayed this ugly slur it seems with glee. I condemn the language and say we all need to purge ourselves of this type of profanity. 

I am tired and weary of language from the gutter at any and all levels of government, movies, music, news, and especially when I am sitting in a restaurant. If we watch a football game we may not hear it, but it is obvious what the coach says sometimes. You can read his lips. It has become common. I think it is time to call for people to speak up and call people down for the filth  that comes out of  their mouths. Too many times we hear it, see it, and say nothing. Simple reminders and expressions by people who do not use profanity and do not want to hear profanity would and could go a long ways to turn our language back toward respect for others. 

Yes, I know profanity has been around for a long time. I was very guilty of it when I was a teenager. I thought to be "cool" I should use it, but I soon realized that I sounded like an idiot using the "F" word to describe something. I am ranting I know, but I will be very honest most of you, even those who use profanity, realize I am making a point that is true. We do not need this acceptance of bad language.

Strong words do need to be used at times, but use of vulgarity does not add to the point. You know your own language. You know what you say and what comes out of your mouth. Change starts with you. If you have bad language I have a FOUR LETTER WORD FOR YOU. STOP!  Just STOP using bad language. Do not write it or speak it anymore. Here is why. 

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, Matthew 12:36 ESV

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29 NAS

YOU will give an account for every word you use in this life. Think about this. It is true and you will do it one day. 

 

Which god do you serve?

Today there are so many gods to choose from in the world. I think it a good blog moment to pose this question which one do you serve? Now in our modern sophisticated world we do not serve the old gods of history like Zeus, Mercury, and Pluto.  We certainly do not worship the Baals or the God of Molech from the Old Testament. But the deceiving "gods" of today are far more subtle.

Our gods today have become far more personalized and come in many varieties or flavors. The gods of today fit each individuals particular taste for deity. Here are a few of them. 

god of the People - This god is availible to all people everywhere. He is good and loving and caring. He is availible and ready to help anyone. He is responsive to you however you see him. He can be found in nature, nurture, and neighbors. As a matter of fact he can be found everywhere and anywhere. To find him you must look for good. However you define good you can find him. You see with this god it does not matter what you believe, but you must believe it with all your heart. If you do then your god will see you believe, and bless you. If you follow this god you may want a sticker on your car that says COEXIST with all the fancy symbols.

god of the Relationship - This is a pleasing God. You can worship him by doing, and being a great person or getting to be like a great person. You see with this god you find great people you like or think are the best and you follow them, act like them, and tell everyone you meet about your gods. These people can be rock stars, athletes, movie stars or even your family. The one thing is for sure they are who is first in your life. Many of the people who follow this faith switch from one person or god to another at the drop of a hat. Jesus even makes stage now and then. He is the bomb until someone else comes into view. You just want to be included. 

god of ME - Now this faith is maybe the most popular today. You see you get to worship yourself. You become the center of the universe. Now you realize you are not the creator of all things, but you place yourself as the most important of all creation. The world is all about you. Your only work of service or help to anyone else is about what it will do to benefit you. This god of self is taught in many ways in western civilization. Your rights, your place in society, your ability, and your success are certainly what is far more important than anything else. Take care of yourself.  Always do what is best for you. These are common sentiments in this faith.  So much so that there is little room for anyone else especially to ask the question what would "God" want for me? When you serve the "god of ME" The big "G" God has to get in line and wait His turn.

I think you get my point. The church today has compromised itself by allowing syncretism, idolatry, and hedonism to creep into the life and practice of our work in the church. Parts of all these "gods' have some merits, but only when you have placed God at the center of your life. 

Realize this: 

Jesus died for your sin on the cross whether you realize it or believe it or acknowledge it. 

Jesus is God who came to us because we needed Him. 

Jesus is the Creator, the Sustainer, and the Lord of all. 

Jesus ia all powerful, all knowing,  ever present, and yes always there for you. 

If you are unclear on who Jesus is in your life then you may be following one of these other gods. 

Father, Son, Holy Spirit is our God.  We best recognize Him in the person of Jesus Christ.  

Jesus is the only GOD there is. Following something else means you have created or found yourself a god. 

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Sixty Six Years

Mom and Dad celebrated their 66th anniversary yesterday. Dad was pretty amazing at what he remembered. He remembered that they got married at Preacher Wayne Davis's home in Ellijay GA. He did not remember how many years and took a guess at 37 years. But for Dad it was a good day as he sat and looked at his bride with a smile on his face and more than once commented about how pretty she was. Mom was delighted to be with him for a visit and sad to leave him.  

The kiss photo above, was one of many. They are still so much in love after 66 years. Dad is at Ross Memorial because of the level of care he needs daily. Sometimes on bad days he is very confused, and doesn't even know me, but no so yesterday. He was doing better than the average day. Mom is in Assisted Living at Elmcroft at Milford Chase where she is doing well, but is lonely. She has made some friends and I am very satisfied with the way they take good care of her. She is walking with her walker, but dad cannot stand up at all. 

Praying with mom and dad together is a real blessing, and when I have them together I pray for God's blessings in their lives. I guess it is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, has been to separate them. But every week  or even a bit more I carry mom to see dad and yesterday on their anniversary was the best visit yet. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad. 

Winter's Grip

The grip of winter is sharp. It is cold outside and the ground is frozen in many places. We have been in this cold pattern for a bit, and it looks to keep going for a while. Sometimes we are impatient with the weather. I know I was ready for December's snow to melt a lot quicker than it did. But the snow did melt and time moved on to January's bitter cold that we now see across the country. 

This morning in my reading of Scripture, I read about Noah and when he was in the Ark. When the rain came and the flood began it was only 40 days until the rain stopped. But then Noah had to wait for the water to dry up. He was in the Ark another 330 days. So all total He was in the Ark for a year. 

To us a year seems long and we get a bit impatient waiting for a year. But we often do. After next Monday's game for the National Championship in college football one of the teams will immediately say, "Wait till next year!" And there will be hope in waiting. 

No matter what you feel like you are waiting on today. Be patient. Trust the Lord for His blessing. The cold grip of winter will be gone in a few weeks Spring will come and part of your life will be gone in the period of waiting. Thinking about what to do while you are waiting is important. I wonder what Noah did in that Ark?

Being a person that prays is simple. You just pray. You talk to God. When you find yourself waiting, there is time to pray. Try it. As the cold weather has a grip on you and you struggle with things that you wish would move a little faster grab some moments to pray. The grip of Satan to keep us focused on silly and trivial things is far worse than a little cold weather. Be patient and Pray. Better days will be here soon.